Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Bulldog Ants Grump Grump

I was watching the Discovery Channel at the deli and there was a program on about ants.  Not just any ants, but Bulldog ants.  Not only did they steal my name but they're the deadliest animal in Australia!  I am very against both murder and Australia (come on, Kangaroos?).  
But Bulldog, aren't these ants millions of years old?  They couldn't have stole your name if they came before you. 
Yes, they are 100 million years old.  But I am 15 billion years old.  That's right, older than the universe.  So anything named Bulldog stole my name since I came first.  
Not to mention Bulldog ants are completely primitive.  Unlike Carpenter ants that communicate with other ants via chemicals, Bulldog ants just go around stabbing other ants before they can summon aid.  That's not how those bearing the Bulldog name should act.  Bulldogs use their intellect and cunning to get what they want, not sheer force and poison.  Well maybe poison, but only by sneakily putting it into enemies food without them knowing.  That's the classy way to do it.

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